In 2009, Renee Michaels, my husband John and I along with several others filmed my first experience in making an indie film which was, The Death of Kevin Frye. After a false start in 2008, we started filming again almost every weekend in 2009 and finished by year's end. As we wrapped up filming of the movie, I felt it would be the only time I would see my writing come alive on the movie screen. I felt I didn't have the type of personality it would take to be a director.
In 2012 I found myself unemployed.
During the summer of 2013, I began to feel God calling me to do something I never thought I could do or wanted to do: make my own indie film. I didn't think I could "by myself" after Kevin Frye was filmed and by 2013, I didn't want to.
The fact is I was right when I thought I couldn't make movies by myself. I've written about this before, so I'll only mention that the Lord began to speak to me, telling me I wouldn't be by myself. First and most importantly, God promised He would give me the ability to do what was necessary to make another movie. Second, He told me I wasn't alone, I have a wonderful and supportive husband, and finally He told me He had people in mind as a team; that it wasn't just me He was calling.
So now, here we are. We've shot several scenes of our movie, Shots in the Dark. We've had several setbacks and pushed on. In an interview I recently read, Director Alejandro Iñárritu said,"It’s like a marathon—there is no way you can stop; you have to finish. You feel that you are fainting, but you have to finish!"
These last three scenes we shot (the most recent, Saturday, March 19, 2016) the cast and crew were amazing. The collaboration was exhilarating. We were able to work through difficulties and achieve our goals. In fact, because of the collaboration, John came up with a better scene than what I'd originally written.
Everyone contributed and everyone's suggestions were welcomed.
In the fall of last year, I read The Rommel Papers. I couldn't figure out why the Lord was leading me to read papers to his wife and family and tactical notes for a book to be written after the war, but I read it and learned a great deal about leadership. I'm seeing some of those principles at work in this project, and I'm loving it.
On Saturday, I felt myself easing right into my role as director and was a little astonished at the change. Gone was the worry I'd experienced while being a producer with The Death of Kevin Frye, and gone was the worry I'd experienced with the shooting of our first scenes of Shots in the Dark.
This is a great change for me, and I'm loving what God is doing with both John and me.
Last night I found a book on Amazon called "Try and Stop Me," by Bennett Cerf and published in 1944. The title alone made me want to buy it. Funny: it shipped this morning at about 4:56 a.m.
Director Iñárritu also said, "Sometimes when you lose faith and you understand that something will never be possible the way that you dreamed, but you keep trying, suddenly one thing flips and everything re-accommodates. And suddenly what was not working totally flows. When you are in a very, very tough moment of a day and a lot of frustration because nothing is happening right—but you don’t give up—and suddenly that happens!"
I know that there will still moments of frustration, and self-doubt will come, but when I come to those places and self-doubt sets in, I will look to my God in whom I have no doubts and know He will make sure it will happen.
"This is what the Lord says to (Coleen), 'It's not by might or by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of Heaven's Armies, 'Nothing, not even a mighty mountain will be able to stand in (her) way." Zechariah 4:6
Try and Stop Me.