On June 6, I wrote a blog called "Greater". In that blog I talked about how satan attacked me with fever, chills and a headache that were all so bad I had to go to the ER for help the previous Monday. They'd given me morphine and Tylenol. At the time of the writing of that blog, I felt healthy and strong.
June 7 was the Saturday John and I went to our church board meeting and then we had some other things to do at the church. When we were done we went to BK for hamburgers then home. We lay down and then I got up an hour later and he got up two hours later.
When he got up he had some iced coffee and I'd fixed myself some regular coffee and was at my desk.
From then on I was out of it. John said I went rigid (it wasn't a grand mal seizure), bit down hard on my tongue (one of my teeth is still sore) and started bleeding. He called 911, the fire department came and tested my blood which was low, but not so low as to cause this problem (unless it was coming back up when they tested it). They gave me glucose and an anti-seizure med, and then the ambulance transported me to the ER here in Bartlesville.
I remember seeing John's sister, Marlene, and said, "Hi Marlene," and wondered why she looked so serious. I was told I also had a seizure at the hospital here in Bartlesville. Since the neurologist was on vacation, Jane Phillips sent me to St John's ICU in Tulsa via a very fast ambulance. The next thing I know is that I'm in an ICU bed in St John's and hooked up to an IV, but I don't think I had any more seizures while there. Of course, but by that time I'd been on the anti-seizure meds for a while.
One must be careful about what one wonders. Before all this happened, I used to wonder what it would be like to be at home or at the store one minute and then find yourself in the hospital without knowing what happened or how you got there.
Now I know.
The result is that now I can't drive for 6 months. That has been mentally difficult for me to take, and I've been dealing with some depression because of it. I haven't been taking my loss of mobility very well.
Now today is June 20th, and for the last couple of days the Lord has been speaking to me in a way that is helping me see this as a sort of sabbatical that he is using to bring me to a place where I can prepare for the next step in my vision of Ebenezer Productions. In this time of six months I have the opportunity to be taught, by the Lord, how to be who I need to be so that I can, along with John, and Charyl and Dennis Armstrong, learn how to be the producer of movies and to learn how to be a director of movies. Shots in the Dark is just the beginning for Ebenezer Films. I believe the Lord is going to, through this challenge, turn me into the person he is calling me to be to do what he calls me to do.
The Lord, in his goodness, has not left me without something to cling to.
Ever since the beginning of the year, he has given a new, personal meaning to a verse well known and much beloved by many people.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Along with that verse, he has given me another in Isaiah:
"Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will not be put to shame." Isaiah 50:7
Those two verses have been my life line. God is good and it's going to be a huge glorification when we get this project done and people see what the Lord did in our lives.
When we went to my health care provider, I have to admit I was dreading it, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but not as good either. The CAT scan, MRI, and EEG that were done proved really inconclusive. No one really can say why I had the seizures I had on the 7th, and since then, my provider told me that "my case" has really perplexed her. I guess it could be compared to a power surge and/or a solar flare. It just overloaded my brain. The thing I come away with is that our bodies are time bombs and we never know when they're going to go off.
Several days ago, through one of those Face Book surveys, ("What Bible Verse Are You?") I was given a special verse that I'd not ever noticed before, even though I've read it before.
"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Now, before you laugh at this as a "coincidence", I must tell you that this is not the first time the Lord brought a Bible verse to me at just the right time in circumstances that were a little ….odd.
And this verse has come to me at just such a time when I needed it. There has been another concern weighing on both John and I that might have been heavy on us if it wasn't for the Lord's assurances. I have not had health insurance. There are some who would criticize John and me for this "lack of planning" but I'm not going to waste time explaining the entire why reasons here. If people are going to criticize, they are going to criticize. It is their free will to do so. It is my free will to ignore their criticism.
There is neither insurance company nor any amount of money that can provide for our needs. There is no one who can be prepared for that which is coming, whatever is coming and whenever it is coming. The only way one can be prepared is to know the One who is Omniscient, Omnipresent and Omnipotent. That One is God the Father, the Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit. He has promised to provide all our needs.
And He has given me assurance.
Along with Deuteronomy 31:6, he has also dovetailed it with Psalms 112:7-8:
"How joyful are those who fear the Lord… They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly."
So, putting these two verses together one gets, "How joyful are those who fear the Lord…They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly. So be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid and do not panic before them, for the Lord your God will personally go before you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you."
Wow! What great words in these great Bible verses!!
And then there's the verse that gives me great confidence:
"For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Instead of causing us to fear and doubt our God, this seizure episode is a means by which John and I have an increase in our faith and confidence in the Lord. Because of this I can say as I said in my last blog, and with even more confidence than my last blog: "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world."
John and I know, because the Lord has always promised to be our Provider that this small financial challenge is not a problem for the Lord. It might look insurmountable to us, but the Bible says that our Father owns the cattle of a thousand hills. John likes to say we'll just ask Dad to sell a few.
A couple of years ago I realized that I wanted (as Rich Mullins sang) to go out like Elijah, but I couldn't "go out like Elijah" unless I lived like Elijah. I started asking the Lord to help me live like this great man of God. I believe He is answering my prayer. God is good. Is it easy to believe God for the impossible?
Is anything worth believing easy?